You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
