i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
