i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
