its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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