my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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