..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I believe in your delicious
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
