Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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