At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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