so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i love accidental penises.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
