We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
