Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
