Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
