he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
