Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
