I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
