Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
be right there i have to get my cape
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
