she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Randomize
