Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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