They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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