the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
