I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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