just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Mom said you looked used
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
