It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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