do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
