i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
