butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
