I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
