my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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