I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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