K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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