she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
