btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
