I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
