I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I understand Curling. That high.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
