Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
