Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
