I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
