I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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