i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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