My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
