Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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