I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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