but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
