yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
