he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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