He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
