"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
