i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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