so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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