Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
