forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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