I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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