matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
cat food counts as protein by the way
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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