If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
