i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
