there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
